Words Not Yet Spoken

"Love you Momma!"

What sweet words so long ago. I still remember the mornings I would go into Jackson's room. He would be standing up in his crib, and in his baby talk would say those precious words. At the time, I did not realize how truly precious those words would be, or how they would stay etched in my heart and mind forever. It was not long after that, that Jackson stopped using words. Then , he slowly withdrew into a place I never wanted, or intended, to go. (I soon realized that no one was asking about my intentions!)

Months later, Jackson was diagnosed with "childhood autism." (Childhood only because it was diagnosed at that time...not that he would "outgrow" it, or age out of it.) It was there, at that juncture in the road, that we needed to make a decision.

Do we "go home", or do we continue to walk out in the destiny that God had for us? (We had just started to pioneer YWAM-Charlotte. We were in a new city, meeting new friends, getting new doctors, etc.) We were, still are, convinced that the Lord knows what He is doing. Nothing takes God by surprise. He is never out of control, and I am never out of His sight or His care.

We continued to move forward.

There were many days that I cried so much one day, I was in bed with a migrane the next. God was still there, ever present, ever faithful, ever loving, ever just...during an uncertain time, God was very certain, very constant.

We made a decision that we would stand on what we believed to be the word of the Lord to us. There were times when we, with respect, declined the way of the "experts." At times it was contrary to our values and our beliefs in what God could do. There are many other times that we fell into bed at night, praising God for all the "experts" He had placed in our lives that day.

Long ago we made a choice. We choose JOY! We have walked, with dear family and friends, on this path for almost 14 years. I would never wish autism for anybody. I also would not trade what I have been given on this journey for anything in the world.

I believe that I know the Lord in ways I would never have known Him otherwise. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that He is faithful, kind, trustworthy, loving, merciful, full of grace, compassionate near, ever present, my refuge and strong tower. The list goes on. These are not cute sayings, church talk...this is my life line. The Lord is my life.

On this journey we came to realize the meaning of Jackson's name. "God is gracious. God's gracious gift."

Simple.

As far as Jackson is concerned, he tells me he loves me. It is just words not yet spoken. It is when he lets me hug and kiss him. When he crawls into bed with us on a Saturday morning. When he unexpectantly holds my hand, stands so close to me that I feel I have doubled in size! Sweet things.

I long for the day that words pour out of Jack Jack (a nick name and sometimes a way he writes out his name). I want to be a person from Hebrews 11, around verse 13, it talks about those, having died in faith, believed that God could do it and because of their faith God is proud to be called their God. I want that.

We still have journeying ahead of us, but looking back...we have traveled far and well. God has been, and will continue to be, faithful.

"Two roads diverged in a wood and I-

I took the one less traveled by

and that has made all the difference."

-Robert Frost

We will wait for words not yet spoken.

Game On!

Dear Vickie,

I'm back, Baby! Just in time for Super Bowl Sunday! I'm ready to bake all the amazing things needed for a fabulous party...yummy tater skins, pizza rolls and mini pigs in a blanket, so much more. It feels good to be back in the game. You can count on me!

xoxoxo...your "oh, so fab!" oven

You got that right! We are back in the game. The repair man has come through...My hubby! This is really amazing. By his own admission, Todd is not "Mr. Fix-It." In fact, if there is a "honey, do" list in our house, it is usually for me. (We are both fine with this.) However, for the stove I had to call it in. My hubby, the new "Mr. Fix-It" did it!

After taking it apart, and through a process of elimination, he went with the heating element. Bingo! We are ready to go. We are heating things up around here. Meanwhile...Todd arrived in Switzerland on Friday, his luggage arrived on Sunday along with his winter coat...bbrrrrrr!

written on the walls of our hearts

I love decorating! It's a creative outlet for me. I was taking inventory at our New Year's party, we have painted two bedrooms, the diningroom and hallway. We have also refinished our hardwoods, all in the last year. (Okay, so maybe this is a stress release as well!)

When Jackson and Ashley were younger, they shared a room. I painted it a beautiful bliss blue. These 10 ft. high walls needed something else...some more life. I had an idea to paint life scriptures on the wall. My friend Jackie was "commissioned" (or coerched) to come and paint a few scriptures on the walls. These were scriptures that we wanted our children to remember, to be reminded of, as they went through their day.

A couple of years ago, Jackson moved into his own room, and Ashley stayed in this room. She has talked about "redecorating" for the past year. We have discussed colors, painting over the scriptures, etc. We settled on lavendar, celery green and a dragon fly quilt, right out of Pottery Barn Kids. It has been a beautiful thing...seeing this all come together.

The day approached, time for priming and painting. Ashley took it all in and then gave the go ahead. Later, after the scriptures were covered, Ashley came in. She was trying to hold back the tears. "Mom. I love the color. I am just so sad about the scriptures being gone."

(The conversation in my head went something like this..."What!??! We talked about this honey. You said this was something you wanted. It was time for a changed. Oh m' gosh! WHAT HAVE I DONE! Oh Lord, please help me here.)

What came out of my mouth, was this, "I am a bit sad too. This was a special part of this room, this house. What is so incredible is that we can NEVER really get rid of scripture. We have it written on the walls here, under this paint. We have memorized these verses so they are in our minds, and more importantly they are written on the walls of our hearts."

"Yeah. That's right. I will never forget those scriptures, Mom."

Mmmm...what a lesson for me. Lord, may your word be more than mere "decorations" in my life. May I be marked by your word, living according to it day and night. May the same be said of my children, my children's children and the children and that!

4:10 a.m. : "Mommy, get up! It is snowing outside. Hurry! To the front windows. You can see it so much better from there!"

To our delight, we watched as fat, fluffy flakes descended on our neighborhood. Then, it was back to bed. At 5:30, the school system called to notify us of a 2 hour delay! At 7:30 the rain started. We were so happy,a bit regretful over not going out to play at 4:10, even for the rain. (We are in a severe drought with water restrictions in place).

We have snowballs in the freezer, as proof that this was not just a dream.

Thank you Jesus!

Dreams of White

Oh what anticipation...the forecast calls for a "possibility" of snow in the morning. Do we dare dream? Could it be so? Ashley has asked for an extra quilt tonight...just in case!

I love it! I actually get butterflies in my stomach thinking that we may have a school delay, or even a cancellation. For this Minnesota Girl, snow is a comfort. I never tire of the thought of it. (The reality is that I do not have to take 40 minutes to get my kids dressed to throw them in a snow bank just to have them cry out after 3 minutes, "Let me in! It's cold out here!" I also do not have to travel with boots, an extra hat and a nutragrain bar in the back seat of my car.) I do remember the fat, fluffy flakes of a Minnesota winter, looking up into the street lamp to see heaven dropping pieces of beauty into the night sky, waking up in the morning to the gorgeous glistening of the sun on the snow...diamonds really.

Here in North Carolina, the promise of snow can strike fear in the hearts of those less "experienced." We really are not prepared, as a community, for snow. I, myself, do own two snow shovels and a sled. What can I say, I am an optimist! I also have salt for the sidewalk...and no, it is not Morton's!

Tonight was spent with friends, talking around the table. We all gave our predictions and hopes. Wayne commented on how beautiful our neighborhood looked last year. Everyone's yard looked so good (the snow lasted maybe two hours). We were out there, playing in it, taking it all in.

That is one reason why I love the snow...it makes everything beautiful. Even the most dismal of places can become places of beauty. God is so good. His love blankets us. When we see that, when others see that, it is beautiful. God, you are amazing. Thank you for revealing yourself to us through your creation. May I always have eyes to see, and ears to hear, the beauty you have placed around me.

P.S. Lord, we would love to wake up to a blanket of snow.

Silent, and soft, and slow

Descends the snow

-Longfellow

Traveling Mercies

I have just returned from meetings in Orlando, Florida.

Prior to leaving, I always try to make sure that my house is clean, laundry done, medical forms signed, etc. etc. When we travel without the kids, I want to make sure to touch base with teachers, leave "love reminders," and talk with my friends about the extra "mommie" hug they can provide.

This trip was no different.

Todd and I are on a regional team for the International DTS Centre, a part of Youth With A Mission. We meet each year to pray and plan, and pray some more, for our mission and specifically the DTS World. Because of our responsibilities, we both traveled to Orlando last week, leaving our kiddos in the charge of a dear friend.

Because we know that the Lord has called us into YWAM, and that He has given us our family, we also know that we can trust Him with all that this calling requires. There really is a grace. Those of you who have walked with us a bit, have seen that grace and mercy, in abundance, from the Lord when Jackson was diagnosed with autism (a later blog will come).

We do not take our parenting responsibilities lightly. Our kids are a part of this calling, this lifestyle that we walk in. We make sure that we are walking out our lives in a way that pleases the Lord, teaching our children His ways while demonstrating the love of Jesus. So, it is important to us that our kids know they are our priority.

What about the kiddos, you ask...

Well, they had an amazing week with Kristina! (a dear friend, member of the family and part of our awesome YWAM-Charlotte staff). Our daily phone calls included updates on nail painting, the latest dance moves, homework assignments, fun movies nights and more. There is always the closing of the phone call, "I love and miss you Mommie!"...the giggling in the background almost leads me to believe that I should not return too quickly, they are having way too much fun!

Here is our itinerary, for those praying for us...

January 8-11/Todd and Vickie/Orlando/IDTSC

January 12-19/Todd/Orlando/Base Leaders Training

January 31-February 8/Todd/Switzerland/IDTSC

February 28-March 3/Vickie/NYC/Jesus4Woman

Curb Appeal

Well, yesterday was a sad day at Hamewith. Our Christmas tree was taken down. The trunk, and what pine needles remain, now adorn the curb.

This Christmas tree was our best ever (said about our tree every year!) Oh, how we love our fraiser firs...the beautiful smell of pine, the ornaments, from years gone by, gently hanging from the boughs...

Every year our kids get a new ornament, commemorating something from the past year. It was a tradition that my parents did with us (and you thought it was Hallmark's marketing idea). Each year we pull out ornaments and our tree is suddenly filled with memories. The years of French Horn, ornaments from Howard and Marie Hanson...my precious Sunday school teachers (currently in Kenya on a missions trip), Christa Berg's little brass ornament to me the years we we BFFs...

It seems horses and Hello Kitty are well represented these days on our tree.

Someday we will say, "Remember when..." as we look at our tree, have tree light dinners, and sleep under the glow of our tree's lights, taking in each ornamnet and what it means to us...the memories each one evokes.

I think I am a bit sad to pack away the beauty of Christmas and the memories that I hold so dear, and yet...there is no living in the past. Our dear friend, Frank Naea, says that we must walk into the future backwards...seeing where we have come from. (It is really an old Maori saying, it encourages us to look at our heritage as we take on our future. )

So, as I pack up Christmas, I choose to remember the incredible blessings of the past as I enter into this new year. It really is exciting to see how the things those ornamnet represent, have shaped who I am today. God, you are faithful, oh so faithful!