Monday, December 27, 2010

snow. SNoW. sweet, lovely snow...falling...

The snow started falling at 9:45 pm on Christmas Day. We went to bed, not certain of what would come of it all. Did we dare hope, dream, of a beautiful snow fall? I know Ashley went to bed hoping and praying. I just went to bed exhausted.

This seemingly double life I have been living...taking care of a very fragile individual, Jackson, through the night, and then being fun and full of energy during the day, for the two beautiful daughters we have. It has been wearing me out. So, with this snow I dare dream? If it comes, will I have the energy to play in it? With Jackson's situation, do I still dare to hope? The journey has been long...

When we were up at 2:00 am with Jackson, the snow had already fully blanketed the trees. It was beautiful. I cried. It was like mercy falling around me.

It was still coming down at 4:10. At 5:30, and at 8:05...when I finally went to bed for more than an hour. When I woke, with Gabi, at noon, we dressed for the snow. It was her very first snow. I could hardly pull her from the window to get her outside. She was filled with such wonder and amazement.

Ashley's prayers were answered, in abundance.

For me, do I still dare to hope, to have faith that the Lord would intervene?

In Relevant Magazine, Jan/Feb 2011 issue, Rachel Held Evans writes this...

"Faith isn't about being right or having all the answers or avoiding pain-it's about refusing to give up when it seems like you should."

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I always feel God is saying to me to pray for you for strength for your yourney with Jackson is long and hard.
There is a deep tiredeness in your soul and God knows. God spoke to Elijah and said to him "Eat for the journey is long" Position yourself in His rest. Let the Holy Spirit hover over your life and over your waters and bring to life all in you that needs to be revived. Love